Main weapon

Britney Landis tells me to 'Get your main love weapon bigger'!

Now i know its been a long time since i was at school in sex education class, but if my aging memory serves me correctly, we only have one.

Please don't tell me i should have a main one and a reserve or something!

Pants

Apparently 'A key from her bedroom is in your pants' ! or so Jeanine Akins informs me.

Lethal Weapon

22 spam mails last night but this one stands out, literally.


Williams Marquez says that a 'Huge love weapon is never too much'

Guns & Roses

Not wishing to brag but i am getting over 20 a day now. Its gone from the sublime to the ridiculous!

So i am slim lining my approach and posting only when one really catches my eye.

This morning Jenifer Devine simply tells me 'Get yourself an immense love gun!'

getting desperate now...

some spam has slipped through the filter - it's not very exciting, but i'll take what i can get to stay in the game:

"the most reliable mould and moulding supplier to you"

i don't need any more mould, thank you very much! simply forgetting to wash my cup out at work before going on holiday offers me more than enough...

:)

More spam than i can handle!

Today i have been told to 'Stop being a loser' and that i can 'easily attain a rich and elegant look at a reasonable price'.
Apparently my 'new power is not far off' and i will 'Become a fortunate fellow' which is encouraging!
I can 'experience new heights of pleasure' and it will be 'Much bigger, than you used to have it!'
I will 'Be a king of her bedroom' because i can use a 'Soft and natural enhancement formula'.
This is great because it will 'Make it longer and more powerful' , and will 'Allow my rod to elongate' and give me 'Greater length for my masculinity'.

All in all a 'Comfortable male enhancement' i'm sure you'll agree? :)

8 in one day - my spam filter is actually now attracting spam!

Mildred Minor predicts 'Unbelievable changes in your relationships' and judging by the rest of the spam I'm not surprised.

Kris Kemp says i can 'Have the greatest night ever ' with Cecilia Teague promising 'Dude, it really works!'

Gladys Crowley tells me 'Beef your package up with more inches ' and Byron Nguyen speaks in a similar vain with 'This enhancement will last a lifetime!'

Rosemary Cramer knows already that it is 'Much longer, than it used to be!' and Dana Bolden
urged me to 'Turn it into a thing she will never forget' - what like a never ending glass of G&T?

But today my favourite pledge comes from Graham Mueller who says he can give me a 'Huge tool to please your lassie' - a bit worrying if you're thinking about a collie dog and not the Scottish word for lady.

Spam fit for an Emperor

Tonight, Ellis Barber apparently has 'High-quality watches worth an emperor's wrist!'

Now i know Emperors are revered figures but i do wonder how much one of their wrists is worth?

Am i the only one playing?

I'm getting cocky now!

This morning Josef Macdonald is offering me a 'More massive love luger'

Good lad.

Oh my God

The spam God's have shined down on me in the night and sent the following gems.
These all appear to be from the Acme 'Your First Management Role' handbook.

Moises Cameron informs me that luckily it's only 'A few simple steps to power'
Whilst Orville Joseph lets me know it is just a 'Short way to your true male power'
Evangelina Romo urges me to 'Fight for your self-perfection!'

Claire Rivers simply offers me 'Fireworks CS3' whatever CS3 is?! Sounds like it may be banned under anti-terrorism law to me.
And finally a post on here wouldn't be complete without some form of cock related spam.

Apparently Avery Hancock can help me 'Gain a voluminous male package '
Enough said.

Yet another Enhancement Pledge...

Tyler Mills assures 'Steady and fast increase in length'

So far i have had no spam mails promising size reduction.

Spam-a-licous Appendage Augmentation

Timothy Winkler (i wonder if he's related to the Fonz?) urges me to "Increase its length by 2-3 inches"

Whilst Jamal Acosta promises me "Impeccable style creation"

Being the kinda guy who likes to have his cake and eat it, i would like to "Increase its impeccable length by 2-3 inches in a stylish creative way" :P

At last someone likes me enough to send me some spam...

OK i know its been a few weeks, and i thought the spam fairy had flown away from my inbox for good, and then all of a sudden 2 mails slipped in quietly!

The Cuban drug lord named Megan 'Escobar' urges me to 'Upgrade it to a huge volume' although she doesn't say what i am to upgrade. Perhaps she talks of my spam folder?!

The German Irish lass 'Vilma Keenan' invites me to 'Get a rod of colossal measurements!'

I reckon the second offer sounds the better of the two :P

never mind the quantity, it's the quality that counts

...which could, in itself, be a corking title for a spamessage. however, this one has just appeared in my inbox, and is of such high quality that i can't be bothered looking through the rest of them:

"set your wife on fire"

god bless spam :)

something for everyone today!

one for abbi, definitely: "craps freeware" [if you want cesar santos' e-mail address to follow up on this offer, i'd be happy to provide it?]

one for helen, who just *loves* britney: the amusingly named 'orison jaghori' wrote to say "hit me baby one more time"

and last but not least, because pete always bemoans the fact that i won't buy him the miniature stopwatch collection magazines from de agostini and the like around christmas time, a special offer: the limb-tastic 'aldous shin' wrote to offer me "desinger clocks".

what was that? nothing for me? well, i don't ask much, but it's nice to know that howard henley still cares enough to write and say "i love you".

summary of the past week, according to my spam...

poor virgil gilbert - sounds like a troubled soul. he wrote to me earlier this week to tell me that "someone offered me money to do it.". now, he didn't tell me what it was, but from the tone of the subject line, i hope they paid him well.

dame sheridan, on the other hand, appears to be inventing her own language. she wrote to me to say "bichnga". her clumsy way of calling me a bitch n*g*a?

but danny house gets my googlewhack spam prize this week, with the seemingly unconnected "arboretum bedtime".

just an aside: worryingly, i also seem to have been sending myself spam recently - but i don't give anything away in the subject line, so can't enter any of them here. nice to know that my out of office has been working though, as i also sent myself a message thanking me for the spam, but saying that i'd be out of the office until friday, and would respond then. i'll add that to my to do list...

Spamless :(

I'm going to find out how to turn my spam filter off.

Every time i look i have nada, zilch, zero, sod all, f....

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

yesterday's picks, posted today

from the exotic but seedy sounding rozzelle desporte: "scalloppine" [que? some sort of evergreen seafood?



maryann mcclellan feels that it is important to tell me that: "the person caressed me." [eeeeeuugh! too much information...]



bert quinn was a little kinder, writing to tell me: "You successful" [sarcastic bastard...]

Back on form

After a very poor selection yesterday...here's the favourites for the 8th.
Very pleasant - "The person smelled nice"
A bit mean "World's greatest loser"
and the rather worrying "Expired academic qualification" I didn't realise I was passed my sell by date!

many many gems to pick from today...

...but my favourites have to be the bizarrely concise:

"wo-cycle!" [what?]

"burping" [charmed...]

and

"h-keeled" [erm...]

German Spam

I don't speak German so it means nothing to me, but i do like the senders name...

Maria Knickerbacker - Bewusst des Schwindels oder der schlechten Medikamente?

The very nice ...

Benjamin Wang - Employment Offer

Not that i want a job but it's nice to be asked isn't it?

And from the fantastically named Mitzi Burks we have JacobLargishPenis.

That's sitting on the fence a bit isn't it? Largish? It either is or it isn't!

FuckstickHugeDouglas

or possibly, ClaudiaWallopingPenis.

'nuff said!

Wednesday's pick

Hi spam fans, my contributions for today are...


Norm Newton - Softimage Alienbrain (surely a Googlewhack?)

Jacques Mobley - SandyOutsizeFuckstick :D

he man!

today's picks from me - some rather long winded ones here, but fairly entertaining:

"Be the master of the universe, with a huge broadsword in your pants?" [it's the question mark that disturbs me most]

"make her forget her ex, find a workout that doesn't bore you, and skip breakfast" [erm...are those things connected?]

and finally:

"10 things to tell a naked woman" [i like to imagine it would go something like this: 1) 'ere love, get some bloody clothes on; 2) tha'll catch the death o' cold!; etc, etc.]

OH MY GOD!!!

It's like busses, I was lamenting my lack of spam when I just found these three beauties had snuck in over the weekend:

Savita rose pulling cock with both hands (one hand would have been sufficient!)
followed up by:
Blonde coed getting anal drilled giraffe (the mind boggles)
subsequently rumped {edit - that should have said trumped, but rumped is too good..} by:
Third International Blended Learning Conference - oh no hang on, that ones from some comedien giving me permission to speak nonsense at their event.

Did we have a winner from last week?

a painful phenomenon plaguing e-mail boxes?

pah! apparently, according to this post on the official gmail blog spam is neither useful nor fun. looks like they've never discovered the joy of spamtastic!...

Jill Brady - BodypartWideRory

Q. Is it Rory or one of his body parts that is wide?

It's been a bit slow on the old spam front these last few days so this is my only contribution this week.

Darwin Bourgeois - MarshallShlongBroad

The word shlong appears to be quite popular in these spam mails and the sholngs are of various lengths and girths! It's either someone bragging about the size of their shlong or someone trying to sell me shlong elongating pills. With all this shlong spam about it's no wonder women end up with shlong envy!

21st February

An early start today kiddies. My pick are:

"Bam. A rocking baller cock in your pants"

"100% pure hoodia" - I don't understand this one at all!

and the strikingly honest "Lose 20 pounds"

Huzzah!

I may not be able to manage 3 a day though as I have a jolly good filter - If it becomes a problem, I'll just make some up - or alternatively, liz could include some of my email headings to her as I'm sure they count as spam.

20th february

ok, clearly i hadn't thought out how this would actually work...i guess if whoever is keen and eager on any one day starts a post for that day, then whoever is keen to play can either add another post, or respond (retort?) in the comments.

so, here are my picks for today:

"do you want my in-laws"

"penis enlargement scams...get the truth" [spoilsports]

and the intriguingly titled

"CockProminentRobbie"

welcome!

to the spamtastical bloggety blog.

remember, don't play nicely.